May 6, 2013

If You Fry It, I Will Eat

That picture from A Cozy Kitchen basically sums up why I love fried food so much. In case you’re wondering, those are some delicious (if not initially strange-sounding) fried pickles. If you’ve never had them, do yourself a favor and make this recipe. But back to the heart (attack) of the matter: I love a battered and fried food served hot with a side of cool dipping sauce, preferably buttermilk ranch. I like to jokingly say that they aren’t “beer battered,” they’re “beer bettered.” It’s funny because it’s true. Keep reading for some of my favorite fried foods.

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September 4, 2007

___ on a Stick

Visiting the Renn Faire over the weekend (following Hillary’s footsteps), I noticed a theme to things beyond medieval outfits and terrible Elizabethan accents:

Sort of a…trend?

I don’t know, maybe it’s the hand-painted signs. What do you guys think?

Why are we, as a culture, so enamored with things on sticks? It’s not simply in fair food; look at the humble chicken drumstick (or, if you must, the gargantuan turkey legs available at the Renn Faire). Kids fight over it; KFC markets it; everyone loves it. I guess it all comes down to the pleasure and convenience of one-handed eating. I mean, if you only need one hand to chow down on your frozen banana, think of all the stuff you can do with that other hand: drive! Write! Hold more food!

Pratchett fanboy that I am, I kind of want to see more “___ inna bun” foods show up at fairs. Then again, given how Pratchett describes those foods, maybe I don’t.


August 21, 2007

Krispy Kreme, Your Time Is Done

I’m sick to death of Krispy Kreme. Have you watched the documentary wherein what looks to be about twenty pounds of frosting is somehow crammed into one poor little doughnut? Or eaten more than, like, half of one? Sure, they taste good, but by the third bite my stomach is winding up to punch itself so I can’t usher in Type-2 Diabetes any faster. In general, I find Krispy Kreme-style doughnuts–you know the kind, ostensibly “lighter” than cake doughnuts, but weighed down with three bajillion times more glaze and moisture–unpleasant to eat.

We need more cake doughnuts, man! Gloriously crumbly, moist but not soaking, the kind Dunkin’ Donuts used to make before they somehow ruined chocolate honey glaze forever! Starbuck’s giant glazed ring hit pretty close to the mark for about five minutes and then they realized shoddy mass-produced doughnuts were better; Dunkin’ lost the edge on everything but donut holes and glazed around the time of their unholy union with Baskin-Robbins. Now it’s up to the local bakeries to carry on the legacy. Fortunately there are plenty nearby; but any time I try to get a doughnut on the road and see Krispy Kremes leering at me through the gas station window I shake with held-back foodie rage. RAAAAGE!

You see these pictures, folks? These pictures are what doughnuts are supposed to be. And if you want them nice and gooey like that scourge from the South, all ya gotta do is microwave ‘em for about ten seconds.

Ideally we’d all fry up our own doughnuts. God knows there are recipes. But in the meantime, store owners, snack lovers, doughnut tycoons: cake! LET US EAT CAKE!

-Jim is terrifyingly passionate about his snack food

August 7, 2007

Like whoa

Okay, okay, so in the past I’ve roundly condemned overly-fancy cakes as annoying and expensive and an overall pain in the butt to eat. I even wrote an article last week about alternatives to wedding cakes. But if somebody made me a cake like this one, I think I’d have to change my mind.

Ever read the Discworld series? This here’s the titular disc on the backs of four elephants on the back of a cosmic turtle, in cake form, and aside from some dowels in the elephants and the wire arc for the orbiting sun and moon the entire thing is 100% freakin’ edible!

So I guess what this proves is, as long as you make your huge, complicated wedding cake a total geek-out, I guess I’m on board. Let me know when some enterprising baker builds a gigantic edible Wii.

-Jim admits he is a Terry Pratchett fanboy

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