Rachael vs. Guy Episode Two: Cornelia Loves Dirt and Manure

In case you aren’t watching Food Network’s answer to Celebrity Apprentice, Rachael vs. Guy is basically a cooking version of Apprentice. Each week, the celebrities are assigned a culinary task, they execute it, and the two worst performers on the losing team square off against one another in a head-to-head challenge. Rachael Ray and Guy Fieri then decide who goes home. Easy enough? In theory, yes, but apparently the celebrities competing have a little bit more difficulty with the concept. Read on for my recap of episode two, featuring dirt and manure!

The celebrities still in the running are as follows: Team Rachael- Kathy Najimy, Hines Ward, Carnie Wilson Team Guy- Chili, Cornelia Guest, Johnny Weir, and Dean McDermott. If you need any recaps as to what happened to a certain former insurance shoutsman (spokesman), check out my recap of episode one. Anyway, this week the celebrities were at a farm for their next task. As a total sidebar, I want to live inside of their luxury bus, it looks awesome.

So, the celebrities got to play with the farm animals for awhile, and Chili and Hines bonded over their disdain for farms. Chili hates “getting dirt on her toes” so she literally walked like an ostrich to avoid accidentally scooping up dirt into her flip flop and onto her little piggies. I laughed out loud watching her walk. I don’t know, maybe gym shoes would have been a better choice, but who am I to judge, I wear Birkenstocks all the time. The celebrities eventually met Rachael and Guy and were informed they’d be harvesting produce from the farm and preparing a meal for the farm workers. Cornelia made sure to mention no less than 300 times that she loves being on a farm and dirt and manure didn’t bother her at all. Then they were off, and for some reason decided to run through the farm for the produce. Whatever, I’m down for a little cardio. Let’s see how they did.

Team Guy (Chili, Dean, Johnny, and Cornelia):  Johnny decided he’s make a watermelon salad with chicken wrapped in bacon. While the chicken wrapped in bacon looked good, his first attempt at the watermelon salad looked, to put it nicely, horrible. Luckily, he was able to fix it on the second attempt. Chili made a cedar-plank grilled salmon, but set the plank on fire and nearly ruined the fish. Dean decided to make a meat dish with potatoes (I don’t remember exactly what because I was flipping between this and the Golden Globes), but I do remember his potatoes weren’t cooking fast enough on the outdoor grill, which was causing a problem. Cornelia made grilled portobello mushrooms, and I don’t remember exactly what was inside. My problem with the way Cornelia cooks is that she sticks to stereotypical vegetarian dishes; a salad. There’s a lot more you can do with vegetarian items.

The eaters liked the dishes, but thought that Dean’s potatoes weren’t done and Cornelia’s food was forgettable (ironic since I actually did forget what she made).

Team Rachael (Kathy, Hines, Carnie): Kathy, still cooking vegetarian, decided to make Eggplant Farm-igiana (get it? ha… ha… ha…). While genius in theory, the salting and draining of the eggplant ate up much of her time, and she wasn’t able to cook it enough to remove the bitterness. Her side of a fennel, garbanzo, and watermelon salad came together in literally the last three minutes of the task which was amazing. I was literally on the edge of my seat, well as on the edge of my seat as one could be with a cable celebrity cooking competition (how’s that for an alliteration). Hines made a simple teriyaki steak, but didn’t make the chimichurri that Rachael asked him to. Carnie made a pork chop and freaked out for the whole task despite being the team’s captain (whatever that means).

Mark this down, I totally think Hines is going to weasel through for a long time making really easy (yet delicious) dishes. Everyone else seems to be trying to hard. Remember, Guy hosts a show called Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, and Rachael made her fortunes showing people how to do 30-Minute meals. The dishes don’t have to be over-the-top as long as they taste good. Anyway, the judges liked the food and thought that Rachael’s team won this one. Cornelia was deemed to be in the bottom two, and shockingly so was Dean.

I have to give credit to the editors, I really thought Dean was going home the whole time. He overcooked the corn omelet he was making, but Cornelia undercooked the corn in her salad. Again, another salad. Didn’t she learn from Gilbert? Anyway, next week the celebrities will be in a diner trying their best to do an impression of Cindy Lauper when she was on Celebrity Apprentice.

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