Krispy Kreme, Your Time Is Done
I’m sick to death of Krispy Kreme. Have you watched the documentary wherein what looks to be about twenty pounds of frosting is somehow crammed into one poor little doughnut? Or eaten more than, like, half of one? Sure, they taste good, but by the third bite my stomach is winding up to punch itself so I can’t usher in Type-2 Diabetes any faster. In general, I find Krispy Kreme-style doughnuts–you know the kind, ostensibly “lighter” than cake doughnuts, but weighed down with three bajillion times more glaze and moisture–unpleasant to eat.
We need more cake doughnuts, man! Gloriously crumbly, moist but not soaking, the kind Dunkin’ Donuts used to make before they somehow ruined chocolate honey glaze forever! Starbuck’s giant glazed ring hit pretty close to the mark for about five minutes and then they realized shoddy mass-produced doughnuts were better; Dunkin’ lost the edge on everything but donut holes and glazed around the time of their unholy union with Baskin-Robbins. Now it’s up to the local bakeries to carry on the legacy. Fortunately there are plenty nearby; but any time I try to get a doughnut on the road and see Krispy Kremes leering at me through the gas station window I shake with held-back foodie rage. RAAAAGE!
You see these pictures, folks? These pictures are what doughnuts are supposed to be. And if you want them nice and gooey like that scourge from the South, all ya gotta do is microwave ‘em for about ten seconds.
-Jim is terrifyingly passionate about his snack food