No. No, it cannot be.
And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see. And I saw, and behold: a pizza vending machine.
Yes, that’s right. Some mad Italian scientist saw fit to make a vending machine that sucks in dollars and spits out piping hot, 9″ pizza pies. If you look at the gallery on the site you’ll see two critical facts:
1) The pizzas are cooked by an open heating element, meaning they aren’t just microwaved.
2) The pizzas actually look somewhat appetizing.
They spent 5 million bucks in R&D creating this thing! It spits out a fully cooked pie in about two minutes, with three varieties per machine and a crispness setting controlled by the machine’s operator. Now I can finally get that crisp rising-crust flavor at the Des Moines Greyhound station!
Okay, okay, this is actually really cool, but I have a good reason to panic. When convenience reaches this level, it won’t be long before we’re living in a grim world where robots do all the work and slowly learn to rebel. When that day comes, all we can do is hope Will Smith is still around to save us*.
*Initial title of this post: “AW, HELL NAW”